We now occupy a world where some among us have over a thousand “friends” but almost no one to talk to. Others have hundreds of “followers” but no one who’s listening to them. People “like” and “comment” on what they see of us on Instagram but they have no interest in seeing us. It’s obvious that social media has made us more connected than ever, but at that the same time many among us have never been more bored or lonely.
Disillusionment is the child of illusion.
We live in an age of illusions. Many of these illusions appear benign on the surface but are in fact quite malignant upon further observation. Social media for all of its virtuous ability to connect us with a plethora of “friends” and friends from all over the planet has also established an illusory sense of community.
We are designed to commune. A relational God instilled in us a desire to relate to Him and to others. We were built for community. We build community. We contribute to it and also extract from it a sense of self-worth and meaning. But social media is an artificial construct that offers a matrix for communication but an illusion of community. For many this faux -community has created disillusionment and even discouragement. Below I humbly want to offer some reasons why.
Illusion 1: Facebook is Greater than Face to Face
Thus the LORD used to speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. – Exodus 33:11
Some old school folks have a serious distrust and disdain of technology – particularly as it relates to social media. There are some who refuse to connect via Facebook and other mediums because to them those things are too shallow and impersonal. I’m not that old school in my feelings, but I can see where they’re coming from.
Recent surveys have shown that a some young folks would prefer to be in their rooms Tweeting and texting five different friends at once as opposed to meeting one of friend in-person for coffee or just to hang out.
That’s disturbing.
I teach teenagers for a living. I’m concerned that many of them can’t sustain a thought, conversation or a short answer on a test that’s more than 140 characters long. Extended conversations with them are rare. Most of my dialogues with them are rapid fire and disjointed. As soon as school ends my students, almost in unison, whip out their tech devices and quickly immerse themselves in their digital communities. Meanwhile real people are all around them. Few of them see each other. Conversations heading out the door are trite.
We talk so much these days about “incarnational ministry.” We emphasize that Jesus became man and dwelt among us. From the beginning God has revealed Himself to us as a “face-to-face” God. He stooped into the mud and made man. He walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day. Through burning bushes, earthquakes, shaking mountains, deserts strewn with manna, clouds, and gentle whispers He spoke to His people. Finally He rocked the earth with the invasion of His Son in the flesh. Jesus called and instructed His disciples face-to-face. He touched sick people, listened to estranged and broken people, and held children in His arms. I can’t find any evidence of Him dealing with people in trite ways.
Studies have shown that words can only communicate 7% of what is necessary in conversation. Body language, tone and other non-verbals encompass the other 93%. So Facebook and many of these other communities are only affording us around 7% of what is necessary to have a real conversation. Emoticons and images help, but they’ll never come close to God’s original design for us to be face-to-face.
Considering that most of us spend an enormous amount of time communicating with others via text messages, Facebook, and other social media, we are doing these things in lieu of spending face-to-face time with real people. If my face is engaged in Facebook then I’m not engaged with my kids. People claim they can multi-task. People are delusional. Those of us who are a bit older, who learned what it’s like to have real conversations before the dawn of social media technology, can probably navigate both worlds a bit more fluidly than the younger generation that grew up with the iPhone and text messaging as staples of their world.
Thus the illusion of community that social media offers eventually creates disillusionment with intimacy. That’s because only real face-to-face communication has that to offer. Connecting via pixels can never substitute for connecting in person.
Illusion 2: Because more folks are aware that means more folks are listening.
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24
If you’re on Facebook or an avid user of Twitter just pause for a moment and look at your wall or study your newsfeed for a few minutes. Have you ever seen a more disparate jumble of information? Pictures of food. Political rants. Sports scores. Selfies. Updates on what someone is listening too. Cutting edge info on how far someone just ran. Long snippets of scripture. Pics of people trying to look swolled at the gym. Offers to play Candy Crush. Glib comments about the weather. Humorous pictures. Quotes from books. Requests for advice on how to cook a recipe…this is just from the first glance.
Amidst this sea of triviality you’ll sometimes find a cry for help. It’s like a sparrow’s peep in a hurricane, easily missed and nearly indiscernible against the cacophony of status updates and the torrent of mostly insipid information.
As stated earlier, a lot of people surrounded by their massive digital community, are in fact incredibly lonely. This, too me, is one of the great ironies of the social media age. Some folks don’t have a single friend in their life to actually listen to them or help them through the choppy waters of life and so they fire off a flare gun into the sea of their “friends” hoping that someone will listen – someone will care.
We’ve all seen the statuses before. They make us cringe. A “friend” tosses out something on Facebook that’s personal – that best belongs in a private journal. In an unfiltered way they bare their naked soul to the world with the hopes that they’ll be embraced, understood and consoled. But this in and of itself is a tragedy when you consider that most folks are friends with or followed by a lot of people that they don’t even know.
I’ve been on Facebook since 2009. In that span I’ve amassed a total of 261 “friends.” I’ve said “no” to a lot of friend requests, and to the best of my ability I’ve tried to create a Facebook community of people that I either a) know or b) respect and would like to know someday. I recently combed through my friends list and discovered that I have met at least 207 of these 261 people in person. These 207 people are a smorgasbord of real friends, family members, co-workers, partners in ministry, and a small consortium of other people that I know and respect but don’t meet with on a regular basis. I would consider the bulk of these “friends” to be friends or at least strong acquaintances. But that still means that 21% of these “friends” are people that I’ve never even met. If I’ve never even met them then I can’t call them actual friends. That would be asinine.
Now I’m willing to wager that for most of our young people, the percentage is much higher of Facebook “friends” that are people they’ve never even met. It’s not uncommon for people who use Facebook to have over 1000 “friends.” It’s impossible that anyone has 1000 friends particularly when you consider that a friend is someone who actually knows you, cares about you, and is deeply invested in your character and well-being.
I honestly think that a lot of young people have been duped into the illusion that a “friend” on Facebook is a real friend. If not, then why do they air out their personal laundry with such flippant desperation? Why tell people that you’re hurting or share your personal baggage if you don’t think that the people you’re sharing with actually care? That’s nonsensical. But again, I think disillusionment is starting to settle in when people start to realize that screaming for help on social media is as fruitless as trying to get advice on the busy streets of New York City during rush hour. Instead of genuine and thoughtful compassion you get jostled, bumped, or outright ignored in the chaotic frenzy of traffic.
This takes us back to our first point that face-to-face friendships will trump the virtual world 100% of the time. Real friendships are loaded with their own challenges and baggage, but conversations in the real world require things that the digital world does not. Attentiveness. Concentration. Reflection. Intentionality. Listening. Thoughtfulness. Time. Courage. Again – we were designed for relationships that incorporate these types of things. We hunger for them in our relationships, but we just don’t get them on a Twitter feed. It’s no wonder that people are relationally starving even though they’re gorging themselves on social media.
Illusion 3 – Social Media is a Medium For Me to Say What I Want and Be Who I Want
A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. – Proverbs 18:4
One virtue of social media is that it has connected everyone into a community with a level playing field. Those who are connected have the same opportunities to share their opinions, jokes, memories, photos, musings, dreams etc. Celebrities and everyday people have a medium whereby they can connect and exchange ideas. This is actually very cool.
But at the same time this medium has created a level of insulation for people to sound off, make threats or publicly bash others without fear of repercussion. Social media is rife with senseless rants about the President, smear campaigns towards people in the public spotlight, and uninformed threads of information that get passed around without much thought or a filter. Most of us are tired of the media turning to celebrities for their views on politics and global crises. Just because they’re famous doesn’t mean that they’re experts on anything. At the end of the day does anyone care what Vin Diesel thinks about North Korea? Ironically, social media is a place where it’s almost impossible to find compassion when you want it – but say something off cuff or controversial and people wont hesitate to punch you in the virtual mouth. In virtual communities people are far quicker to respond to someone’s hubris than they are to their hurt.
Social media has allowed a large number of ignorant and uninformed people to bellow their opinions and views on just about anything or anyone. By leveling the playing field to everyone we’ve also handed to everyone a megaphone for them to sound off on whatever suits their fancy. Because we have access to say anything we want we’ve embraced the illusion that we now have the right to say anything we want. Few of us are experts on anything. Therefore I think we should be especially cautious with what we opine about – especially if the subject matter is controversial. I offer two simple proposals for dealing with this:
Spread good news. There is never anything productive that comes from gossip, slander, or spreading seeds of bitterness. Nothing. And when you unleash a tantrum on social media you look childish.
Run in your lane. If you’re not an expert on what you’re about to post then let everyone know that what you’re sharing is your opinion. Your humility will make it easier for others to process what you’re sharing. Hubris makes you look foolish.
Finally, we deal with the illusion of what I call “the projected self.” Almost all of us have a selfie or picture of us that we believe shows us in a favorable light to our digital community. Most of the pics that we share on social media are highlights of our lives – our accomplishments. Few of us take pictures of ourselves at our lowest and put them up for the world to see. You won’t find too many selfies that show us with bed head, bloodshot eyes, or haggard sleepless faces. We want everyone to see an airbrushed view of our reality. So all of us consistently give our “friends” an illusion of who we really are.
If we’re honest most of our days are full of speed bumps and potholes. I spend a lot of my time feeling (and probably looking) a lot more like Shrek than Denzel Washington. But I want the world to see me as Denzel. So I post my illusions. Shrek is my reality. Denzel is the illusion I give you. This circles us back to our dilemma in the 2nd point of our conversation. On one hand we need to be overly cautious in being too real with a community of people who don’t care for the most part. But we also need to avoid being too fake and offering up a projected image of how we “wish” we were perceived.
I’m not sure I have a solution for this one, but I think it’s a tension worth wrestling with.
In Conclusion
“An unexamined life is not worth living.” – Socrates
I think social media can be a real blessing. I wouldn’t be a part of it if I didn’t feel like it had it’s virtues. It’s helped me make some amazing connections. I have a couple Facebook friends that are well respected and relatively famous. These guys are also “friends” that I’d call friends and I’m glad that I have social media to connect with them. Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with some old friends from Colorado – dudes I haven’t seen since 1993. I’ve also been able to reconnect with our Compassion kid from Africa after he graduated from the program. My wife and I supported him for almost 12 years. Now it’s amazing to have almost instant access to him from across the world and to stay connected.
As with an anything that we do I think it’s important to examine “why” we’re a part of virtual communities. Are we looking to our social media community to give us what only real community can offer? Are we working against our God-given design by trying to extract from pixels what can only come from people? Do we use social media to sound off and say things that we’d never say to others in person? Has Facebook become another place for us to gossip and slander or to discover gossip and slander? Am I engaged in this medium particularly because it allows me to unveil an embellished view of who I really am? Am I using this unique medium for redemptive purposes?
The Apostle Paul once said, “Follow me as I follow Christ” (I Cor. 11:1). I once joked that if Paul had used Twitter that statement would have been his one and only Tweet. Paul, like John the Baptizer, amassed a sizable following to ultimately follow Jesus. As a person of faith I believe that every action of my life is something that either glorifies Christ or detracts people away from Him. Social media is a vehicle for doing either one of those things. We can use it to build our own platform or to promote His. We can use it to encourage people or to tear them down. Like anything else Facebook, Instagram and Twitter can be used for redemptive or destructive purposes. As we build our digital communities and establish our “friendships” may we hold at the forefront of our thinking that we’re ambassadors for Christ and allow that fact to influence and guide what we do and say.
Apparently 11 million high school and college aged kids have abandoned Facebook over the last three years and are switching over to a more message based medium like Snapchat, WhatsApp and Kik. But nevertheless the same symptoms of loneliness and disillusionment will remain for them if they turn to these things as their primary sources of community and meaning. In the meanwhile, those of us a little further down the road need to examine our own motives for using these communities and seek ways to effectively shepherd our young people through the terrain ahead.
Christ, Confession and Controversy 